The Motives of Sexual Sin

The following article is an excerpt from a sermon manuscript titled A Gospel Response Part 2: God is Faithful, preached on May 28, 2023, at Redeeming Grace Church in Kentucky.

I want to synthesize and distill for you the nature and the motives of the actions behind sexual immorality. In my experience, we often focus on the actions of sexual immorality, which is an affront to God, right? It is a sin against our body (1 Corinthians 6:18), and we ought to repent of the actions committed in sexual immorality. But change will never happen if you stop your repentance there.

There are deep desires and motives of the heart that drive those actions and that’s the ground that we need to come upon. We need to fall on our face before God and 1) recognize it, and 2) repent of it.

Selfishness Motivates Sexual Immorality

Now, the first thing that I want to impart to you that motives sexual immorality is the antithesis of Joseph. Joseph said, “How could I do this and sin against God” (Genesis 39:6-10)? But those who fall into idolatry and sexual immorality, they are not thinking about God. They are not thinking about the husband or the wife or the children or the coworkers. They are thinking about themselves. Selfishness motivates sexual immorality.

There is an elder at Grace Community Church in California who was my supervisor for my Biblical Counseling certification named John Street. He wrote a book titled Passions of the Heart. And it combats stubborn sexual sin. He said that, in his years of pastoral ministry and biblical counseling, he has seen at least eight categories that people fall within and attempt to soothe and address these struggles with sexual immorality. He says those eight areas are lumped into two general categories. One of them is “I Hurt.” There are people in this world who are legitimately hurting. Praise God for the gospel and the hope of Jesus Christ. We ought to meet these hurting people with the gospel. But sometimes what we do, even as children of God, we respond to our hurt and we seek healing and comfort somewhere other than our Savior who bled and died for us. Remember, Jesus said that when He leaves, He will send the Comforter (John 15:26). Comfort is the role of the Holy Spirit, not sexual immorality.

So, here are four of the eight areas in the category of “I Hurt.” John Street said that people grow 1) angry at the circumstances that hurt them, they feel 2) self-pity because of hurt, 3) fear the thing that is hurting them, or they have 4) discontentment. They think, “Why me? Why do I have to suffer like this?” And rather than take the anger, self-pity, fear, and discontentment to the Word of God or to the Man of God, to the throne of grace for mercy and grace in time of need (Hebrews 4:14-16), they go to the idol of sex to soothe that hurt. Do you see how idolatry and sexual immorality relate? People go to the idol of sex to soothe their hurt. And maybe, temporally it will. But shortly after, you’re going to have the same anger, self-pity, fear, and discontentment because it cannot give you anything beyond the moment you indulge. It’s very selfish. Sexual immorality is motivated by selfishness. It’s concerned with “me.” And maybe you are hurt? And maybe it is legitimate to be hurt in your circumstances, but it is an illegitimate response to soothe your hurt with sexual immorality.

The second category, according to Dr. Street, is “I Hunger.” This would maybe be for the ambitious people who are out to conquer and seize the day. Under the banner of “I Hunger,” people want 1) flattery, or they want 2) power and control to dominate someone else, or they want 3) self-reward. How many times have you heard that? The doctor that has worked hard? The man or woman who has provided for the home? They just want to reward themselves a little bit. That is so selfish. And lastly, they hunger for 4) comfort. And whether you’re hurting or whether you’re hungry, to go anywhere other than our Heavenly Father . . . And especially to go to sexual immorality is absolutely selfish.

So, that is where I just want to take our focus, not just on the sinful external actions. Actions like those of Moab and Midian. Like those of Ancient Israel from our sermon last week when the prostitutes would come to Israel and out of their bosoms they would pull the statue of Peor and command worship for sexual acts. And yes, if we bow down to false gods, we need to repent of those actions, but we need to look at the selfishness that motivates those actions that put us on our knees before the false god of sexual immorality. In the book of James, he says that where there is selfish ambition there is disorder and every sort of evil. So, it might not be sexual immorality but if you are being selfish and running toward anything other than God. It could be fill in the blank . . . Sometimes it’s food, sometimes its sex, sometimes its drugs, sometimes its television, sometimes it’s to punch the pillow, or it could even be to bush hog the field. When you hurt and when you hunger, remember that 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 says that God is the Father of all mercies and comfort. The Bible says from the Prophet Jeremiah to the mouth of Jesus that he provides streams of living water and that he is the bread of life such that you will not hunger anymore.

Greed Motivates Sexual Immorality

There are many men and women who have the blessing of a marital union with each other. Yet, they are greedy for more and more and more and more and more. So, it would be addressed with sorrow and repentance in those who have been motivated and continuing in their sexual immorality. Think about it, have you ever sinned before and said, “This is the last time.” What a foolish thing to believe if you believed it. Perhaps, we were just rationalizing so we could sear our conscience and commit the sin? What have we learned when Romans 5 turns to Romans 6? We know that grace abounds but is it so we can keep on sinning? God forbid! So, I would ask you, if your heart is full of greed and your heart is full of sin because of that, would you repent to God?

Covetousness Motivates Sexual Immorality

Thirdly, covetousness motivates sexual immorality. I think of greed as wanting more of what you have already had. I think of covetousness as wanting something different than what you already have. That is why in the 10th commandment in Exodus 20 God says, “Thou shall not covet.” Do you remember the [second] thing he listed not to covet? “Thy neighbor’s wife” (Exodus 20:17). So, especially to the married folk: when you’re caught in pornography, or looking, or wondering, or actually doing and committing this, it is because you are greedy and you’re a coveter and you’re selfish. God has blessed you with a man or woman. Be content with that man or woman. To do otherwise, would be to tell God he messed up.

Deceitfulness Motivates Sexual Immorality

Lastly, deceitfulness motivates sexual immorality. Especially in a setting like we are in right now. I look across here at these image-bearers and these are people who own a Bible, hopefully, read the Bible, and are coming to church as a family. Sexual immorality is motivated by deceitfulness because what you must do is hide your sin from those people who are closest to you. From your husband, from your wife, from your kids, from your mom, from your dad. And you need to repent of that. Are you with me?

The Beauty of the Body of Christ

So, if you’re caught in the sins of Moab. If you’re caught in the sins of Midian. If you’re caught in the sins of Corinth. If the modern-day version of the prostitutes coming down the hill of Aphrodite are tempting you to be like the pagans that we are distinctly called to not be like - but rather be like Christ . . . If you’re caught in that, it’s time to do a deep look within by reading Ephesians 5:3-12. It specifically teaches how to put off sexual immorality. It says not by partaking in the works of darkness but rather by exposing them.

With as much compassion Paul had with Corinth, “No temptation has overtaken you as such is common to man” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Yes, I know. You’re human and you’re going to be tempted sexually to some degree or another. Some of you are like, “It’s all over me every day” and some of you are like, “Eh, maybe every now and then?” But wherever you are on that spectrum I want you to remember three words: God is Faithful! I challenge you to look beyond the actions of sexual immorality and to look at the selfishness, greed, covetousness, and deceitfulness that motivate it. Which of those adjectives describes your heart? The answer to that is where the path to exposing deeds of darkness begins. It begins by exposing your heart to God.

Lastly, brother and sister in Christ, you will not kick sexual immorality alone. You’ve got to bring it to light in your own heart, maybe in your own marriage, and certainly to your shepherds and pastors here. And that is the beauty of the body of Christ, not that we shun you and act like we’re perfect because you’re caught in sexual immorality, and I might not be. But the beauty of the body of Christ is that we exist in part because you’re caught up in sexual immorality. We are here to help you and we are here to love you. God is faithful. God is faithful to provide for those who are enslaved to this sin, and he is reliable to do it when you cry out to him.